Its not everyday that you wake up and realise that the time has finally come to take a decision in your life. My life up untill now was all about going with the flow. As a young boy growing up in two enormously different regions of North India namely the still and cool hills of Kangra in Himachal Pradesh for the first 10 years of my life and then the polluted and congested plains of Ludhiana in Punjab for the rest 10 of my 20 till now, I was constantly surrounded by my caring parents and my loving friends. All this time; though I loved the support from all those who cared about me; I never really got a chance to be alone and a situation never arose where in I had to decide on something. Things were decided for me and I went with the flow and I did not mind actually. My mind grew up to be a little different from the kids who were growing up with me. I would have attributed that to the switch of habitats when I was 10 but for some strange reason I seemed to have failed to imbibe the composure and simplicity of the people living in the hills or for that matter, the charm and style of the people of the plains. But as I had always done, I tell myself, “Its Okay; I guess” and move onto the next ladder.
School was a piece of cake; it always is unless you really want to screw up but then here in India when you clear 10th standard and you have barely celebrated your 16th you are suddenly laden with the enormous responsibility of choosing from a few given options as to what you want to do for the rest of your life. Suddenly you have to take a decision and the small problem when that situation arose for me was – I hadn’t been taught how to. And then you eventually take the easy way out; you play safe or atleast I did; I chose what I saw around the most; I chose what, over the years had become sort of a family business. It is logical after all; isn’t it? If your Dad was a doctor, all your dad’s brothers and sisters are doctors, if nobody has chosen anything except Medical for the past couple of generations in your family its only natural that it would work for you. So end of this story. I take Medical; I tell myself; “Its Okay; I Guess”.
Everything was thought out in detail, the logical explanations, the practical viability; everything; absolutely everything. But I would realize some years down the road that there was a flaw in the plan, there was a loop hole in the script, something had been left out, something had not been paid any heed to and that something was – the unpredictablility of human genes. Yes; my parents were into Medical, Yes; my grandparents were into medical but what was also true was that the DNA does not necessarily give a shit about that.
Yes people would argue that considering the easy going thing I sometimes am; its probably a case where I am trying to run away from the hard work and dedication that comes in with choosing medical. Honestly; I dont know. Maybe, just maybe those people can be right. Actually I so badly hope that those people are right and that I have not wasted almost 5 years of my life barking up the wrong tree but then how will those people explain the fact that I stuck it out for 5 years here; not 1, not 2, not 3 but 5 full years and as a matter of fact I still am somewhat fighting but one thing is so spectacularly clear in my head now and that is the fact that I do not belong here and honestly; I dont think that anything or anyone will be able to change that now.
But it is okay I guess. Life goes on as it always has.
Ishaan Kumbakrni
School was a piece of cake; it always is unless you really want to screw up but then here in India when you clear 10th standard and you have barely celebrated your 16th you are suddenly laden with the enormous responsibility of choosing from a few given options as to what you want to do for the rest of your life. Suddenly you have to take a decision and the small problem when that situation arose for me was – I hadn’t been taught how to. And then you eventually take the easy way out; you play safe or atleast I did; I chose what I saw around the most; I chose what, over the years had become sort of a family business. It is logical after all; isn’t it? If your Dad was a doctor, all your dad’s brothers and sisters are doctors, if nobody has chosen anything except Medical for the past couple of generations in your family its only natural that it would work for you. So end of this story. I take Medical; I tell myself; “Its Okay; I Guess”.
Everything was thought out in detail, the logical explanations, the practical viability; everything; absolutely everything. But I would realize some years down the road that there was a flaw in the plan, there was a loop hole in the script, something had been left out, something had not been paid any heed to and that something was – the unpredictablility of human genes. Yes; my parents were into Medical, Yes; my grandparents were into medical but what was also true was that the DNA does not necessarily give a shit about that.
Yes people would argue that considering the easy going thing I sometimes am; its probably a case where I am trying to run away from the hard work and dedication that comes in with choosing medical. Honestly; I dont know. Maybe, just maybe those people can be right. Actually I so badly hope that those people are right and that I have not wasted almost 5 years of my life barking up the wrong tree but then how will those people explain the fact that I stuck it out for 5 years here; not 1, not 2, not 3 but 5 full years and as a matter of fact I still am somewhat fighting but one thing is so spectacularly clear in my head now and that is the fact that I do not belong here and honestly; I dont think that anything or anyone will be able to change that now.
But it is okay I guess. Life goes on as it always has.
Ishaan Kumbakrni
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