Life Of A Lust Toy

The winds carried a chill which was quite uncharacteristic for the October air, which perhaps would have been casually overlooked by her had it been just the only thing off about that Monday evening. The puffs of dust that temporarily rose into the air before vanishing into nothingness were the only signs of movement on the road besides her brisk, anxious walk. She took care so as to not huff and puff as she wriggled through the back alleys of the place, eyes transfixed on the road lest she should catch the eye of the revered opposite sex and invite the lust of the mankind (not that it needed any invitation). The set up was tailor made and the signs were ominous but being the optimist she was she spurned the thought and trudged on through the wearing pathways of a land little known for appreciating womanhood, better known for insulting it(blatantly), through a land wherein being born a woman is like being cast with a curse of the ugliest kind; one can fight it but one can never win, it was a land wherein the men of the highest order had failed to protect their daughters, wives and mothers from the filth of the purest breed, men of that country were the scions of glory but left behind a lousy legacy.  So every evening when she got out of the confines of her house to buy a cabbage flower from the farmer or to fetch a packet of nuts from the grocer or even to pick up the newspaper from her front yard (for which she had to bend over, mind you); she raged a brave battle, a battle she seldom won; but being the warrior she was, she fought on.

She was the wife; the woman who is the bearer, the lover and the progeny bundled into one, woman that commanded respect, reverence and worship. But on foot he came, the filth, that is, harboring intentions of the dubious kind. She knew well, that the filth had feet (3 of them) and it walked with aplomb but such was the might, she could not flee. But it did not end there; he carried an entourage, and they came in a bus, fifty of them, in the bus she was laden with the cabbage and the packet of nuts, when it was all done and dusted and everyone was hot and weary and the bus was far, along came a police car. She thought it was over but then everyone went to the police station and the game was played over on either side of the bars, and then came the politician, enraged at what had gone around, snatched the woman from their clutches and into his; he took her to his cabin under the watchful eyes of the police, laid her on the table and had his way. As she was on the table, a shade of deep, dark red; she begged God to kill her daughter while she was still sleeping in her bed.

Try Try Again....

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails,

admit it frankly and try another. But above all, keep trying

something."

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Loving a Slut

Best is when she turns off the lights

The subtle grace of her,

Falls nonchalantly on the drapes

The mangled locks, worn and rugged

From a day of being a slut

From a day of being fondled and played with

I trusted love and fell for her

Yes, I was in love with a slut

I know she won’t love me for free

Won’t hug me and sit with me on a tree

Dangle her legs down with me

And her hopes, on me

The slut won’t

But I am in love with the woman beneath

The one whose tears hit the floor

When she is all alone by her fireside

The one who keeps her father’s picture in her bag

The one who misses being a girl she once was

I wish I could come on a white horse

And take her away

But I just did not have the balls

To risk my pride

Lest I were to give it in her hands

And she did not ride

As the night fell upon her

She drew away from the window

It’s her time to go to work

She would come back early morning

Eyes wet, feet heavy

Distraught and fallen

I took a deep breath, puffed up my chest

A wreath of red roses, for my pretty girl

I knocked, but the door gave way

She lay by the hearth, her skin a shade of steel grey

Spangled like a star, she lay there in a sorry state

To my love, I had come a moment too late

Sneak Peak - BDB

It was too cold an afternoon even for a winter day. The wind that was blowing had fangs and it tore through the body with the subtlety of an alligator and this for a place that was nestled so close to the equator was unusual and annoying. Annoying because even the furriest of coats bought for the worst winter day were as good as an umbrella would be in a hurricane. And to top it all off was not the dim dull lighting which led one to believe that it was late evening already lest they were to look at their watch and be pleasantly surprised nor the eerie dark clouds which threatened of a grand outpour; it was the raucous and raunchy thunder which bellowed over ones head with malice in its intentions. The whole panorama made one wonder whether Zeus and Indradev had taken control of the same skies and all this was a show of power to assert supremacy of either. The weather was sublime in its own sense, but right there in the midst of all the natural phenomena a young man sat on a chair in the porch of his house; just sat there in the thunder and the lightning of the winter day and did nothing. I mention him because the turbulences of the atmosphere could only be matched by the insides of this man. Yes, Viraj Aaryan sat there and such were his insides at that point of time, such was the gigantic accumulation of thoughts in his head, such was the insanity quotient of the measures he planned to take and such was the pain inside him as his belly squirmed with guilt that he barely noticed the weather around him. It had been almost a day now that Pritika had come to her place and told her the news but it seemed just like a couple of minutes ago, the words reverberated in his head now and then and he shriveled up with a mix of guilt, anger, grief and disbelief. 

Verses Of A Love Bird

 

There are times when it gets cold

My world sounds like a sad lore

My insides shrivel up and cry

And I have no idea why

My existence loses meaning

And my sanity gears up to revolt

In the midst of this soul chilling enigma

I turn to you with a smile

A hope that the warmth of your soul

Will spare a share

And swallow me whole

But baby its fine

I know life is tough

Your side and mine

So baby its fine

Billion Dollar Bastard - Snippet

Viraj just stood there and looked at her for a minute. The late noon sun which had now slid into a bright orange shell had colored the sky in orange and some of that orange was washing off from the sky and shining onto Pritika’s tress; Viraj had always thought that sunlight made Pritika look even prettier than she was, her smile more magical than it already was and her eyes even more beautiful than they already were and at that rare moment when sun was dipping Pritika into lucid orange divinity, Pritika looked nothing less than angelic. Viraj bent forward and in a quiet motion, kissed her lips; Pritika smiled and hugged him again and then kissed him back. She was happy as hell that they were together.  It had been just a month since they had been seeing each other and they already were sharing a great connection; perhaps because they had been friends since school days. Funny thing they never felt any romantic inclination for each other when they were in school, but when school ended and they went off to different colleges, they slowly realized that they loved each other. Love, just like God, perhaps works in mysterious ways.

The Reality

As a kid growing up I once attended a funeral in my early teenage which was the first day I really thought of death. That was the first day I saw death as the ultimate,unforgiving,unbiased and untameable reality which everyone has to one day slide into. Yea, a little early to be thinking that deep; I know, but some things just strike you and you just can’t get them out of your head. As a kid everyone is attracted towards something, the thing they think about the most, for some it may be the favorite train set or rainy days or whatever; for me,since that day was that truth. I remember standing in front of the mirror and observing myself minutely and thinking about how I was such a small part of such a small planet belonging to such a small part of the universe which itself is possibly a very small part of something incomprehensible; I remember observing my eyes, my ears, my face and myself as a whole and thinking, how each and every part of me was on a journey towards that inevitable day when everything of me shall turn to ashes.

‎"Love is, but a subtle reflection of humanity's obsession with  immortality."

Law Of Attraction - Quote

Law of Attraction is not a substitute for Law of 

Action; both go hand in hand; one of them 

alone cannot magically produce desirable 

results.

*RUMI*

The Death Within

It’s a sullen sky that lies within my soul

Trying all this while to appreciate the reality,

The truth of my morbid existence

I have tried so hard to detach myself from thou, but it’s insane

I was, and I will forever be, destined to humanity

When my time comes to die

Lying within the hearse will I be, how hard I may try

The irony will be to see the mortals cry

With the case as cold as ice, and with death within and around,

Two tickets to paradise will I hold with covert aplomb

Death has always been a prevailing enigma

A mystery to the eye of the soul

Because the pure soul is the one that truly departs

Long before the rest are actually buried, they find death within

The final bell is just the death of what lies around the hollow well

Death is around us, we cannot help

Death within is a choice we make when we choose the wrong

Life is the flipside of death; the statement is simple and strong

Life is when the light above your head gives out an angelic spread,

Amidst the tinker of the dead, the sight of red.

Human I am, it was written long back

What kind? This is when the fountain comes in my hand

The words I will first put down will be kind, pure, humble and strong

The list will be long, for the list will I strive

And at the end of it, standing there quietly will be the word, ‘alive’.

Because people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world; are the ones who do.

"Motivation"

October 5, 2011

“I sit in a cold, dark room with the frail mid day sun outside now almost being an accomplice to the cruel cold winds banging on my window. I am covered with a quilt but I can not quite understand why I am so overcome with despair at this very moment; last time I checked it wasn’t an effect of cold or the winds but then perhaps it can be due to what I have just read on the webpage that is opened in front of me.”

For those who remember, on 5^th October 2011, STEVE PAUL JOBS, the man behind the Apple revolution died and became forever engraved in the memory of human kind. The human race will be forever indebted to him and you very well know why. I personally was never a big follower of Mr. Jobs while he lived, while I did keep up to date with the latest developments in apple but I could never appreciate the personal greatness of this guy but then after his death, somehow, something changed. I was now looking him up in Google, reading articles on him in Wikipedia and other websites and even my Desktop had his young photograph as wallpaper. I was suddenly all for Steve Jobs and I hated myself for not being so while he was alive. Now, he is someone I look up to, someone I idolise.

Honestly we may never be able to do the kind of stuff he was able to but if we can understand even a minimal portion of his life’s philosophy, his MOTIVATION; it may very well hold us in good stead for the rest of our lives.

What do you think is the motivation of such humungous achievers like Steve Jobs? It cannot be money, otherwise won’t they stop at their first billion, it can definitely not be fame, otherwise the magnitude of their achievements would be measurable, the buck would stop at FAME but it does not. So what is it that drove Steve? Before we move forward with this discussion I have included below Steve’s Stanford address of 2005, I am very sure you might have had read it, it is in fact one of the most quoted and inspirational speeches and even if you haven’t had the chance to read it as of yet, it’s okay. Let us go over it once and see what Steve said. I did try to edit it and leave out the irrelevant parts but I could not edit much, all of it is so good and so relevant!

STANFORD ADDRESS 2005 BY STEVE JOBS

“I am honoured to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories -

The First Story is About Connecting the Dots
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My Second Story is about love and loss
I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2-billion company with over 4,000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired.
How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife.
Pixar went on to create the world’s first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was an awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love.
And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.
My Third Story is About Death
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue — created by a fellow named Stewart Brand — which was one of the bibles of my generation. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous.
Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”

Now out of the many inspirations, many positives, many points that can be taken out of this excerpt, the one I am going to talk about is the one Steve makes when he says that he dropped out of college after the first 6 months. He did not see the value in the work he was doing so he stops doing that work and switches. Now don’t you see his motivation? Don't you get the whiff? Steve Jobs was MOTIVATED by his WORK. He LOVED doing what he did, he was passionate towards it and that was his motivation! Now for example if you sit on a desk in front of a computer screen checking some accounts and if you love doing that, if you are passionate towards it, wont you want to do it more? Obviously you would. You would be motivated to sit more and more behind that desk and work more and more on your computer and check more and more of those accounts. You would make one hell of an accountant because you will find your MOTIVATION in your PASSION toward your work.

POINTS OF PONDERANCE-

1.       Do what you LOVE doing. DOING WHAT YOU LOVE is one and probably the only SOURCE of INEXHAUSTIBLE MOTIVATION.

2.       Find your source of MOTIVATION, the thing YOU LOVE. Keep looking until you find it, make it your life’s IMMEDIATE AIM.

3.       Above all, TRUST YOURSELF, if you think you are a mediocre individual, STOP THINKING THAT WAY; you are a ‘soon-to-be’ GREAT ACHIEVER in the field ‘B’ who is currently stuck in the field ‘A’ (which is not designed for you). All you have to do is find your field B (maybe it is being a DOCTOR instead of a STOCK BROKER). #WhoKnows?

P.S. Please buy your copy of Walter Isaacson's Biography of Steve Jobs and read it; it’s currently a TOP PRIORITY read on my list as well.


Because people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world; are the ones who do. – Steve Jobs

Happy New Year - The Ultimate Irony?

We slide into the final year
famously touted as the end of the world
and if it really is; then i must say
the end to this legendry planet
is being treated with blatant disregard

Coz' when the poor guy down the road
lifts his head to wish me a happy new year
I find it amusingly ironic to hear
coz' its that year, they say
the reapers are coming on earth, to slay

What if it does really happen
The big blue ball has a great fall
would we melt into oblivion
would we burn into flames
or would we drown in ether?

As we stare at the end
with open, blank eyes
and a hopeless apprehension of our mortality
As towards the cliff we stear,
I wish you a Merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year!

My 3 Philosophies for 2012

1. Give no bullshit, take no bullshit

2. Always have a better tomorrow (In this way in 365 days i would have bettered 365 times)

3. Keep calm, nerd on

Quotivation

Every once in a while just sit still and appreciate the vastness of Nature and the inconsequentiality of the Human race.

Love that Wasn't

Baby; I know it was blurry

All quick and we never realised that it was gone

I know when you look back

You find just black empty spaces strewn

I know as well; it’s too late to write a song about it

And it’s also too late to set it straight

I guess it just wasn’t meant to be

I know I was stupid, no doubt I was dumb

But the absence of that possibility was leaving me numb

I heard you cry, I saw you try

You did what you could

You hung on to it

Didn’t let it slip

But it’s just me, don’t blame it on you

For us not making it through

Memories are all that I have been served

And that is all I ever deserved

But this poem isn’t an apology

Coz’ somewhere deep down inside, I know

Even if wrong was the way,

I am grateful for what I did that day.

It’s sad when you make me realise

That we are back to where we begun

But I guess it’s a step you took which I could not

And then, it took me a while to realise that the bliss was a curse

But I guess it’s grown into a wound we cannot nurse.

You know I always have,

And I always will

Wish the best for you

And secretly pray that you make it through.

Inspirations for the sad times

How far can one really stretch; how extensible can one actually be?  What if someone tells them at a decisive juncture that if they go down that road they will run into depression; for sure? What if they are given medication for a mood disorder and told that it is a cough medicine? Would you hang on to sanity when pushed to the brink of depression? Would you or would you just let yourself into the lap of lunacy and rest your head on to the wonderful pillow of lifelong weirdness?

It’s easy for people who have a history of mood disorders to say that depression is not a big deal. Ask those who have never been in depression. Then go and ask those who are proud of the fact that they have never been in a depression and sure of the fact that they would never go into one. These are out and out positive people with strong, stable heads and they would take it on their ego if you tell them they are sad; let alone feed them pills.

Life gets hard sometimes. People will tell you to go and see a psychiatrist, they will sniff at your mouth to find out if you have been stress drinking, they will peep into your house through your window to see whether you have hanged yourself yet or not and nobody would sell you rat medicine anymore. But life is going to be fine if you find any of the above happenings laughable. It should be a delight to know how very strong you are than what people think of you.

It’s okay. Bad things happen, people get sad every day and life does not always go as we intend it to, but then I guess that is just what life is; that is how they designed it above. God does not always give a damn about your plans for your life. If sometimes it does not go as you intended it to; well, get flexible!!! Get imaginative!!! Think out of the box, Tear apart the box, don’t get disappointed.

“Think out of the box? What box?? I have no idea where the stupid box is.” – House, M.D

People are going to tell you what to do in life. That is just why God made people for and mind you they may be even giving you the right advice but there may be a difference between the right thing and the thing you have to do to set your life right and if it is there, appreciate it. It may not be conventional, it may not be the right thing in the eyes of the world but it will be the right thing for you and that is what matters. Go do it; the world won’t have to live with the advice it gave you when you were down. You will have to, for all your life. So listen to your heart, do what feels right inside.

Heart is a busy organ and has shit loads of work to do with all the pumping and contraction and it does that oxygen thing as well, so don’t burden it with the extra load. Don’t take everything to your heart. The troubles, the emotions, the sadness, the grief; let them be an “in from one ear out from the other” kind of a thing. Life is too long for a small grief to bother you. What looks a big trouble today will look a small bump in the road tomorrow.

So chill, relax, take it easy. Go, hug someone tight and cry it all out.

“Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out of it alive” –Paulo Coelho

Love,

Ishaan Kumbkarni,

A road, a hill and a little tea

6.15 pm, National Highway no. 3

54 kilometres from Dharamsala

I sit in the car speeding through the hilly road with treacherous terrains on either side. The speed does not really bother me; neither do the deep pits besides the road. Some pits are so deep that you cannot see the bottom of them; they are filled with dark vivid darkness; it sometimes makes me wonder if I would find hell on the other side of that darkness but my curiosity is not strong enough to make me jump into it to find out. Night was falling over the cold deserted hills slowly. There was still some light of the day left but it was as if it had already surrendered itself to the dark with a barely audible, determined and constant mutter which sounded like, “I shall see you tomorrow.”

We stop at a roadside tea vendor to refresh ourselves; there is this thing about the tea you have in these small roadside shops in hills; it has a way of reaching out to your soul. As soon as I take the first sip of the steamy brown liquid, a chilly gust of winter air sweeps upon me like a cold blanket. It was as if the winds were complimenting the tea. The colder it got, the more wonderful the tea felt. Some wild bushes line the road in front of me and as I sit there sipping my tea the bushes sway in the wind, making ruffled noises which added to the whole atmosphere of the hills somehow. There is no real inhabitation barring an empty house a little to the right of the tea vendor.

Sitting there in dim daylight with cold wind all over you and not even a hint of humanly sound does something to you, you go into a trance and for some wildly incomprehensible reason you get nostalgic about old times. As I sat there, still and calm two small kids walk through right in front of me, a boy and a much smaller girl. The boy holds a small steel container in his hand and he walks swinging the container wildly in his hands making a clanky voice with it. Milk spills down from the sides of the container slowly but the boy, unmindful of that fact or of the fact that there was someone sitting there sipping his tea while appreciating the calm and peace of the surroundings; went on in his own world. A small girl walks behind him. She walks with a spur in her step; the kind kids generally have when they have just discovered this wonder ability of human legs known as walking, she is probably singing a song in a dialect I barely decipher. Her mother probably sang her this song when she used to cry as a baby and she just won’t shut up whatever her mother may try.

I should have had been angered, disturbed, irritated and frustrated at the sudden entry of these sources of noise into my tranquil world. But I am not. For some reason they just delight me even more. An emotion sweeps over me as I watch them go. Sadly I cannot describe the emotion; I don’t think I will ever be able to but it was something divine shining upon me through the innocent beauty of the children and the angelic brilliance of the hills. Those two kids of the hills were a part of the scene, they belonged there. They were a part of nature.

With the innocence, truth, carefree-ness and simplicity of the children the human race is as close to nature as it will ever be.

Ishaan Kumbkarni